In recent weeks I have been spending time on LinkedIn. It's a useful resource in many ways and it's good to stay in touch with what's going on in the world of education and it is also a useful marketing tool. And this is my problem. I hate marketing. It feels dishonest: as if I'm presenting myself as something I'm not. I don't really have a brand, nor do I want one (oh God - is THAT my brand!? That I am a brand refusenik?!) I hate self-promotion (she says as she adds another entry to her blog) and I find the whole high-fiving, over-enthusiastic trumpet-blowing really difficult to do.
But since apparently this is now the Done Thing: here's what'll happen if we work together.
We will have a basic plan for a session but more often than not will tear it up within the first five minutes as we'll have identified something specific that really needs to be tackled.
I will talk. A lot. And make terrible jokes. You will be expected to laugh.
We will go off piste regularly, crossing curriculums, subjects and ideas according to what seems important at the time.
You will read things that feel beyond your abilities. They will not be beyond your abilities when we finish.
We will use Miro - I will get ridiculously over-excited about the post-it notes function.
I will rage uncontrollably at the use of the word "arguably" but will do an actual happy dance at the correct use of a semi-colon.
I will lecture at length on the various controversies surrounding the correct use of a semi-colon.
You will stop saying "I don't know" in answer to questions and instead say "could it be...?"
We will be briefly interrupted as the dog will decide he has to sit on my lap and lick my face as our lesson goes on.
You will coo over the dog, unaware that he has just been sick on the floor.
We will practice exam technique with the knowledge that grades are a by-product rather than an end in themselves.
I will be accidentally rude about whoever is currently Secretary of State for Education (but I'll be right).
You'll break down sentences and ideas to their component parts and identify their purpose and point.
You'll make wild statements about the past and then back them up with carefully chosen evidence.
I will be endlessly recommending you books to read.
You will ask questions that I don't know the answers to. We'll work them out together.
OK I'm being (a bit) flippant but my point is this: if you are looking for a tutor with a flashy website and a carefully targeted mission statement, I'm probably not the woman for you. On the other hand, if you need someone who values progress for the sake of progress; who knows their way around the curriculum; who recognises the importance of pleasure in learning; who has a ridiculous dog.... Drop me an email - we'll get on famously.